My Why!

I have always been a woman, confident and sure of my steps. From a young age I always found myself knowing what I wanted and where I was heading in my life. When I got married, again I knew my place and the kind of wife I wanted to be. Children came along and Motherhood opened new doors for me. I was suddenly someone's caretaker and the person they depended on for most everything. It was beautiful and I loved being a mom. Four years after the first child, baby number two came along and I now had double the joy. As the years passed I found myself home most of the time with the boys as a single parent because their dad worked out of town most of the week joining us at home for the weekends. This became our way of life for many years. The boys grew and their needs changed. School, sports, scouting and their friends were quickly becoming their focus. Dad was still out of town working and I had become the chauffer and their go to person most everyday. As our oldest son was nearing high school graduation, I began to realize that it would soon just be two of us at home all of the time. Well, so I thought. My husband made the decision to take a position at his company that would have him home every night. Talk about life changing!! So now he's home the oldest son is in college six hours away from home and the youngest son is starting high school. All I can say is that time waits for no one and it marches on like the wind. The youngest son could now drive and my chauffer services were no longer needed. The position that brought the husband home seemed to keep him busier than ever and on call resulting in many late night hours. I found myself doing laundry, cleaning the toilets and washing dishes everyday and way more than I liked. In my mind all I could think was there has to be more to life than this. I am still young, vibrant smart and capable of so much more. Midlife crisis you say? No it was more than that. I was alone during the day and a lot of nights and felt the isolation of being alone. I had suffered loss in my life that had completely destroyed a part of me that I'm not sure I will ever be able to bring life to. I wanted to do something for myself. I talked to my kids about Mom getting a job and even though they weren't home they somehow found comfort in knowing that I was always there. My husband said do what you need to do but you don't have to work. Weeks passed and I became more depressed longing for something. It became a realization to me that I was no longer "needed" like I once had been. Yes, I know that as parents we strive to raise self sufficient kids but I was feeling as though I was selling myself short. So as I sat in my office at my computer one day thinking in my head, "Would they really even miss me if I were gone? Do they really even know what all I do everyday? What about their dad, does he really appreciate that I stayed home with the boys to raise them the way we were raised? Do they even notice that I'm the only mom among their friends who cooks them breakfast every morning and makes sure that a homecooked meal is on the table for them every night?" No, this wasn't a pour pitiful me moment; it was a moment of coming to terms with the death of my brother and the reason we were given for his death. Thoughts ran through my mind that maybe he had it right somehow. Maybe to his family he had become invisible and his life meant nothing to them. (A question I will never be able to ask him. And an answer I will never know.) So that morning as I sat alone in my dark thoughts, I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw a post that an old acquaintance from high school posted that said looking for two women to join my Paparazzi team. I instantly clicked the link and said I was interested. Crazy thing is I didn't even know what a Paparazzi was. I just answered the call and here I am. I joined in September of 2019 and I have never looked back. I know that this was a true, real God intervention. I was in a dark place and He brought me back to the light. I know it may seem a little strange to think that $5 jewelry could change someone's life but it can. Through this adventure I have met women of all shapes, sizes, colors, from different backgrounds, religions and economic situations but our commonality is we were all in need of something. I cannot explain the joy that I have found doing a LIVE sale on Facebook and getting to know the people that join my LIVE. Sometimes I may not sell many pieces of jewelry but these beautiful people who spend an hour or more with me at night have told me that I have brought joy to them when they have felt lonely or sad. God has put me in this position and business for a purpose. I am still learning His why but I know "My Why" is because I answered the call He placed that September morning to a "Mom" who felt she had been left behind.

What will your WHY be?